speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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