haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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