you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize