i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
