You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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