What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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