12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
