your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
