Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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