i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
