dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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