Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
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What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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