You're my little dorito
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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