I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
