highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
