Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
