At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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