We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
