he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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