I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
