Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
