Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's like heaven, but drunker
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
