I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
