i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
