Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
