this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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