I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
