im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
