I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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