Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
