im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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