I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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