Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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