he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
