I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
