Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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