I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
