So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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