dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
