An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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