you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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