I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
