so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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