found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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