I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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