fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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