I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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