Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
