So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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