i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
