So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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