I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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