weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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