you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
