I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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