I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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