his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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