No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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