Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
