i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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