So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
