im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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