ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My penis needs a shock collar
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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