I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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