we have officially lost it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
