ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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