I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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