you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
