I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
