That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
